1
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,010
Oh, my God!
2
00:00:13,050 --> 00:00:14,510
Oh, my God!
3
00:00:14,550 --> 00:00:18,300
Doug, what are you doing,
it's 5:30 in the morning?
4
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:19,850
They closed down Union Turnpike,
5
00:00:19,890 --> 00:00:21,930
I gotta leave for work now if
I'm gonna beat the traffic.
6
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,390
Just go to sleep, shhhh.
7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,230
Curl up like a baby bear.
There you go.
8
00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:39,200
OK, shhh...
9
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,370
It's not bad.
I'm OK.
10
00:01:07,770 --> 00:01:10,320
Without waking up...
11
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,860
do you have any idea where my
work shirt would be?
12
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,490
Check the floor.
13
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,910
I got it. I got it.
Go back to sleep.
14
00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:21,620
You're dreaming,
you're dreaming!
15
00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:26,790
You're rollerblading naked
with Tony Danza.
16
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,750
Then you're ironing his shirt.
17
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,050
SINGER:
*My eyes are gettin' weary*
18
00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:38,180
*My back is gettin' tight*
19
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:39,840
*I'm sittin' here
in traffic*
20
00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:43,010
*On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight*
21
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:44,430
*But I don't care*
22
00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:48,770
*'Cause all I want to do*
23
00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:50,150
*Is cash my check*
24
00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:54,110
*And drive right home
to you*
25
00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:56,150
*'Cause, baby, all my life*
26
00:01:56,190 --> 00:02:00,780
*I will be drivin' home
to you*
27
00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:20,840
[NEIGHBOR'S CAR PARKS]
28
00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:28,270
-Hey, Carrie.
-Oh, hey, Lou.
29
00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:29,770
What have you got there?
30
00:02:29,810 --> 00:02:31,940
I finally decided to spring
for an air conditioner.
31
00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:34,980
Between my Dad and Doug,
that living room can get
32
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,650
pretty ripe in August.
You know what I'm saying?
33
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:38,860
You need any help?
34
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:40,780
Oh, no, I think I can--
35
00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:44,370
actually, you're strong
for a living, right?
36
00:02:44,410 --> 00:02:45,490
I got it.
37
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,660
Thanks. You got it?
38
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,550
-Where do you want it?
-Oh, right there is fine.
39
00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:58,920
It's just gonna go
in that window.
40
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,930
I could put it in for you.
I'm free all day tomorrow.
41
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:03,800
Oh, no, no, no.
That's way too nice.
42
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:04,970
Please, it's no problem.
43
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:07,100
My God, you are
such a sweetheart.
44
00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:10,600
And listen, if there's ever
anything I can do for you--
45
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:14,480
Can you get your husband
to stop making hulk jokes?
46
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,320
I don't think so.
I'm sorry.
47
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,030
Although, there is one thing.
48
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:22,450
You know what?
I shouldn't bother you.
49
00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:24,160
No, no, no!
Come on, what is it?
50
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,580
Well, my wife
usually does it for me,
51
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,240
but she's out of town.
52
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,290
Okay...
53
00:03:33,290 --> 00:03:34,250
No, nothing like that.
54
00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:35,840
It's just that
I have to do a posing
55
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,130
at a gym opening next week,
and it's a last-minute thing,
56
00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:39,960
and, uh--
57
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:41,510
and...come on.
What is it?
58
00:03:41,550 --> 00:03:44,220
Would you spread
tanning cream on my body?
59
00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,610
Attention. I.P.S. Driver
in the house.
60
00:03:56,650 --> 00:04:00,070
But don't worry.
I come in peace.
61
00:04:00,110 --> 00:04:02,610
Hey, I'm looking
for Chip Diggins?
62
00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:04,160
Thanks.
63
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,450
Chip?
64
00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:07,990
Hey, man, I got
a package for you.
65
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:10,040
Oh. Great.
66
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,160
How's it feel to be
on the other side?
67
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,370
Hmm?
68
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,960
You and I, we're used
to giving packages,
69
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,340
but now you're getting one.
70
00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:20,550
It feels pretty much
like you'd expect.
71
00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:23,010
What, you never got
a package?
72
00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:26,180
Just making
conversation, guy.
73
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:28,930
Doug!
74
00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:31,430
Mitch! Hey, man. I haven't
seen you since I.P.S.
75
00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:32,600
I know, I know.
76
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,770
Clean up nice.
77
00:04:33,810 --> 00:04:35,190
Yeah, well, I'm
in personnel now.
78
00:04:35,230 --> 00:04:36,310
Gotta look my best.
79
00:04:36,350 --> 00:04:37,310
What brings you by?
80
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,980
Oh, I just had a delivery.
81
00:04:39,020 --> 00:04:41,030
Really? Out here
in the boonies?
82
00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:43,490
Can't believe they still
got you working zone 12.
83
00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:45,030
Yeah. Why?
84
00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:47,820
Well, it's just
you were working zone 12
85
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,580
when I left 2 years ago.
86
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:52,500
You took some time off?
Were you injured?
87
00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:54,080
Oh, no, no.
It's a tough route,
88
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,540
but, hey, they only give
the tough routes
89
00:04:55,580 --> 00:04:56,960
to the tough drivers,
am I right?
90
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,840
Why? You think I should have
a better route?
91
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,550
I don't know.
But I tell you one thing.
92
00:05:00,590 --> 00:05:01,670
If you worked here, hell,
93
00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:03,130
you'd write your own ticket,
my friend.
94
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,260
Really?
95
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,590
You kidding me?
With all your experience,
96
00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:06,840
hell, you'd be working
Kew Gardens by now.
97
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:11,140
Kew Gardens?
They got trees.
98
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,430
Anyway,
just one man's opinion.
99
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,850
Ooh, Doug,
love to stay and chat,
100
00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:17,940
but Rodriguez
ain't gonna fire himself.
101
00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:19,770
Hey, it's good to see you.
102
00:05:21,150 --> 00:05:22,860
Have a mug.
103
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,450
This is very sweet of you.
104
00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:37,920
Hey, it's what neighbors do.
105
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,210
Don't forget
my obliques.
106
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:41,500
Ok, kitten.
107
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:45,920
Hey.
108
00:05:55,770 --> 00:05:56,850
So, what's for dinner?
109
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,100
I don't know,
but whatever it is
110
00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:01,270
it's gonna have
a gorgeous tan.
111
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,150
What's the matter?
112
00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:04,980
What's the matter?
All these years at I.P.S.,
113
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:07,400
I'm still delivering
in zone 12.
114
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,450
So?
115
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:12,200
12. 12!
116
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,120
12!
117
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,410
I'm familiar with the number,
118
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,750
but why is it bad?
119
00:06:18,790 --> 00:06:20,130
Because it's the crap zone.
120
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:22,880
It's far away,
it's full of potholes,
121
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,750
there's hookers
on every corner,
122
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:28,430
and P.S., most of them
are pretty skanky.
123
00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:30,430
Honey, you've had
this same route for years.
124
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:31,930
What's the deal today?
125
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:33,560
The deal is, you know, I ran
into an old friend of mine
126
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,060
who works in personnel
at FedEx,
127
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,430
and you know what he told me?
If I was over there,
128
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,730
I could write my own ticket.
129
00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:39,770
My own ticket.
130
00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:40,980
I never had
my own ticket!
131
00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:43,440
Really? That's great.
132
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:44,940
It's just not fair,
you know?
133
00:06:44,980 --> 00:06:46,230
I'm at I.P.S. 8 years,
134
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,570
and they still treat me
like a pack mule.
135
00:06:48,610 --> 00:06:49,950
You know,
I'm at FedEx 5 minutes,
136
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,490
they treat me like
a valuable person,
137
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:53,830
and they give me
a beautiful mug.
138
00:06:54,530 --> 00:06:55,620
Where is it?
139
00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:57,950
Handle snapped off.
140
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,420
Driving over
a zone 12 pothole.
141
00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:04,290
Doug, maybe it's time
to think about making a move.
142
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,710
What do you mean?
143
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,130
Going to work
for FedEx.
144
00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:09,220
-No, no, no--
-Why not?
145
00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:11,220
No, that'd be--
it's like a big deal.
146
00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:15,260
I'd have to empty out
my locker and...
147
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:19,060
bring home
my George Foreman Grill.
148
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,520
All right. You know what?
Fine. Do whatever you want.
149
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,810
LOU: Carrie?
150
00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:25,440
Excuse me. I have
to go finish off Lou.
151
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:29,740
Now, come on, Carrie.
152
00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:31,200
I wasn't sayin'
I wanted to change jobs.
153
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,950
I was just blowin' off steam.
154
00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:34,320
You know,
I'm pretty happy where I am.
155
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,280
Now you're happy.
Five seconds ago
156
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:39,410
you were ranting about how they
treat you like an animal.
157
00:07:39,450 --> 00:07:41,580
-The beer's kicked in.
-All right, you know what?
158
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,920
I don't want to get involved,
because when I do,
159
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,210
you just drive me crazy.
So, you drink your beer,
160
00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:48,670
and I'll spread
my tanning cream.
161
00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:50,260
Fine.
162
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,510
Besides, I just don't think
I'd fit in over at FedEx.
163
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,680
What are you talkin' about?
164
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,520
It's the same exact job
you do now.
165
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,850
Only in a blue uniform.
166
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:04,190
There you go.
I can't wear blue.
167
00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:07,320
You said yourself,
I'm an autumn.
168
00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:09,320
All right.
Maybe you don't have
169
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,490
to actually take the job
at FedEx,
170
00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:14,700
but could you at least...
Forget it.
171
00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:16,370
-What?
-No, never mind. Forget it.
172
00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:19,200
Doug, I think Carrie's sayin'
that you could use the heat
173
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,660
from FedEx to put
the screen on I.P.S.
174
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,000
Thank you.
175
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,710
Doug, you're hot.
You're in play.
176
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,000
-Use it.
-It works.
177
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,420
I got a nice rate
on the hulk
178
00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:31,050
when they wanted me
on the bionic woman.
179
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:34,180
Huh, huh?
The bionic woman.
180
00:08:41,060 --> 00:08:43,100
-Hey.
-Hey, man.
181
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,900
So, the new boy
seems okay, huh?
182
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:51,610
Yeah. Good-lookin' guy.
183
00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:54,070
I guess.
Just seems to me,
184
00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:55,200
if you're secure
in your manhood,
185
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,910
you don't need
to look all...
186
00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:59,080
attractive.
187
00:09:01,660 --> 00:09:04,460
Zone one. All right!
188
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:06,620
Zone one?
189
00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:08,080
He's been here a week,
he gets zone one?!
190
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,920
It took me 4 years
to get zone one.
191
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,210
I never had it!
192
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,760
I gotta tell you,
man, I am so fed up
193
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,170
with the way I get
treated around here.
194
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,180
O'BOYLE:
Hey, how you doing?
195
00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:18,800
Don't tell me.
Tell O'Boyle.
196
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,060
-Maybe I will.
-Go ahead.
197
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,260
Oh, I'm gonna go.
I'm going.
198
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,600
-Okay, go!
-Oh, it's on, baby.
199
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:24,640
Do it, man!
200
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:25,980
It's done.
201
00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:28,400
Just give me
a little push.
202
00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:34,650
Oh!
203
00:09:34,690 --> 00:09:36,030
-Sorry.
-How 'bout dinner and drinks
204
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:39,120
before you get that close,
huh, Chief?
205
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,450
-Supervisor O'Boyle?
-Yeah, Doug, what up?
206
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:44,250
Uh...it just happened
to come to my attention
207
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,750
that you assigned the new guy
to zone one.
208
00:09:46,790 --> 00:09:48,040
Yeah?
209
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,710
Well, it's just that
that's the best zone.
210
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:52,000
I mean, is that like a welcome
to the company kind of thing
211
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,590
instead of a basket
or...?
212
00:09:53,630 --> 00:09:55,470
No. No, that's his zone.
213
00:09:55,510 --> 00:09:57,090
Although, he did get
the basket, too.
214
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,390
Plus, I think, some coupons
for loews theaters.
215
00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:01,470
I guess
I just don't understand
216
00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:03,470
why the new guy
lucks out with a zone
217
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,640
that's all light packages
for suburban housewives?
218
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:07,850
Well, look at
the guy, Doug.
219
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:10,690
Come on. He's gorgeous.
220
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,150
Listen, I gotta jump
on the horn.
221
00:10:14,190 --> 00:10:15,940
Somehow 100 pints of plasma
222
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,150
wound up
at tavern on the green.
223
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,740
I got a very angry
maitre d' to deal with.
224
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:23,080
-I'm in play.
-Pardon?
225
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,000
Yeah. You know, I didn't want
to say anything,
226
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,040
but I got a lot
of heat on me.
227
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,830
Lotta heat.
228
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:30,250
What are you saying?
229
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:31,840
You saying there's another
company interested in you?
230
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,250
Ah, yes, there is.
231
00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:34,210
Who?
232
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:35,340
Well, I'm really
not at liberty
233
00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:36,510
to disclose
that information.
234
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:39,840
Let's just say it
ends in "X."
235
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,390
Gas-x?
236
00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:44,430
-FedEx.
-Whoa. FedEx. Wow.
237
00:10:44,470 --> 00:10:48,390
Now, if we could come
to some kind of agreement,
238
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,850
you know,
regarding my route,
239
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:51,770
I'd be happy
to tell FedEx
240
00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:53,110
to overnight
their offer
241
00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:54,730
to where the sun
don't shine.
242
00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:55,940
Ha ha ha.
243
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:57,860
Puttin' the squeeze
on the ol' boss, huh?
244
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,530
Maybe just a touch.
245
00:10:59,570 --> 00:11:01,910
Well, you're a good worker,
Doug, and I'd hate to lose you,
246
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,370
so what's it gonna take
to make you happy?
247
00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:06,410
-Zone one.
-No can do. Anything else?
248
00:11:06,450 --> 00:11:07,370
Zone 2?
249
00:11:07,410 --> 00:11:08,540
2? That's right next to one.
250
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,420
Then zone 3 or 4.
It doesn't matter.
251
00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:11,960
Anything
with single digits.
252
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,000
Mmm, nope. Nope. No way.
253
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,550
Tell you what?
If you can wait a year,
254
00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:16,590
I can get you 13.
255
00:11:16,630 --> 00:11:17,840
I'm in 12 now!
256
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,170
Well, listen, Doug.
I'm trying to work with you.
257
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,470
What do you want from me?
258
00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:22,550
I want the respect
that I deserve. You know?
259
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:24,970
I've been here 8 years,
and I'm a good driver.
260
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,390
I should have
zone one.
261
00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,730
And if I don't
get it, I'll--
262
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,440
You'll what?
263
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,150
I'll, you know--
I'm gonna quit.
264
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:37,070
Ok, Doug. You win.
265
00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:39,400
Boy, I'm gonna
catch hell for this,
266
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:40,570
but here's
what I'm gonna do.
267
00:11:40,610 --> 00:11:44,950
From now on, zone 12
renamed zone one
268
00:11:44,990 --> 00:11:46,450
and vise versa.
269
00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:48,540
That's the same zone!
That doesn't help at all!
270
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:50,620
Well, I'm all out
of ideas, Doug.
271
00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:53,080
Listen, you gotta do
what you gotta do, okay?
272
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,380
So, good luck
over there at gas-x.
273
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,460
FedEx.
274
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:08,810
[DOORBELL RINGS]
275
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:12,810
Hey, there,
Louis.
276
00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:14,810
Is this a good time for me
to put in the air conditioner?
277
00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:17,150
Yeah, you bet.
Come on in.
278
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:19,190
Oh, by the way,
279
00:12:19,230 --> 00:12:20,490
how do you like
my tan?
280
00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:23,410
Hmm...
I don't like it.
281
00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:26,780
-Really?
Iloveit!
282
00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:28,740
No kidding.
283
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,290
Lou, you look
fantastic.
284
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,870
A dark, rich,
even tan in March?
285
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:35,670
God, that stuff
is amazing.
286
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:37,290
The best you can buy.
287
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,250
God, look at me
compared to you.
288
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,800
I look so pale
and pasty.
289
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,840
-You look fine.
-No, I'm white as a sheet.
290
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,720
I look like I'm touring
with mummenschanz.
291
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,810
You want me to get you
a couple bottles?
292
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:49,680
Really?
293
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,140
Yeah, thank you.
294
00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:53,230
-Hey.
-Hey, honey.
295
00:12:53,270 --> 00:12:54,890
-Hey, Lou.
-Doug.
296
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,560
Uh, honey,
could I talk to you
297
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,730
in the kitchen alone...
or something?
298
00:12:58,770 --> 00:12:59,820
Oh, you don't
have to go anywhere.
299
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:00,980
You know I'm
hard of hearing,
300
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,820
and I won't read
your lips. I promise.
301
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:07,870
All right. Fine.
I lost my job today.
302
00:13:07,910 --> 00:13:09,240
What?!
303
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:13,870
Sorry.
304
00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:15,920
You lost your job?
305
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,540
-Yeah.
-What happened?
306
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:19,130
I tried to bluff O'Boyle
with the FedEx thing,
307
00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:21,840
and he didn't bite.
He just let me walk out.
308
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,800
Well, why the hell
were you talking to O'Boyle?
309
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,630
'cause you kept saying
how much heat I had on me,
310
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,890
that I was in play!
311
00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:28,220
I thought you wanted
me to talk to him!
312
00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:30,010
Not without
preparation,
313
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,180
some rehearsal,
some index cards!
314
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:33,980
For the love of God, I didn't
want you to just wing it!
315
00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:37,440
Well, too late.
It's already...wung.
316
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,770
Well, you know what?
317
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:39,940
So, you just go back
318
00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,270
and tell O'Boyle
it was a mistake.
319
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,730
You know what?
You tell him
320
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,780
that you were dehydrated
and exhausted.
321
00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:46,570
Oh, better yet, tell him
you mixed pills and booze
322
00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:48,870
and you had
a bad reaction.
323
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:52,950
You do understand
my job is driving?
324
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,000
All right.
325
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,960
Well, you know what?
Maybe this is not so bad.
326
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,290
I mean, they still
love ya at FedEx.
327
00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:06,930
Go, FedEx! Woof!
328
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:08,430
Yeah!
329
00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:09,640
Hey, Mitch.
330
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,100
Doug! Hey, you got
another delivery for us?
331
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:14,930
Yup. A 250-pound package
of Doug Heffernan.
332
00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:17,520
-What?
-I left I.P.S.
333
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,690
Really! Why?
334
00:14:18,730 --> 00:14:19,900
Well, let's just
say they pushed
335
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:22,110
and I pushed back.
Shall we talk?
336
00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:25,150
Come on. Sure.
Come on in my office.
337
00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:27,110
Gonna be great if I can
get a route in Rego Park.
338
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:28,610
That way, I could
stop home for lunch.
339
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:32,330
But...hey.
Not a deal-breaker.
340
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:39,170
So...why should the FedEx
company hire Doug Heffernan?
341
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,040
What?
342
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,800
What would a Doug Heffernan
bring to FedEx?
343
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,960
I-I'd bring myself.
344
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,260
And my lunch
if I don't get Rego Park.
345
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,220
[CHUCKLING]
346
00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:51,680
No, I think I'd, uh...
347
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,430
hey,cast away.Whoa...
348
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,560
No, I'd bring
a lot of things.
349
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,770
I'm a real good,
350
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,860
dependable driver,
you know, um...
351
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:10,160
I've got a pleasant personality.
I'm relatively hygienic.
352
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,780
And I've been told
I'm quite the cutup.
353
00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:14,120
Cutup. Uh-huh.
354
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,330
And where do you see yourself
in the future?
355
00:15:17,370 --> 00:15:18,500
You got a 5-year plan?
356
00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:19,790
5 years? Uh, yeah.
357
00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:21,670
I hope to be still
delivering packages,
358
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:24,460
only in a hovercraft.
[ENGINE SOUND]
359
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,960
Hey, package
for Mr. Spacely!
360
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,260
You are quite the cutup.
Here's the thing, though.
361
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:32,140
We're really not hiring
at the moment.
362
00:15:32,180 --> 00:15:33,430
-What?
-Yeah.
363
00:15:33,470 --> 00:15:34,970
We're a little lean
and mean right now, so...
364
00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,680
You just told me
how great I was,
365
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,140
how if I was here,
I could write my own ticket!
366
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:39,770
That was just friends talking.
What am I gonna say,
367
00:15:39,810 --> 00:15:42,100
you're the heaviest
I've ever seen you?
368
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,690
I quit my job!
369
00:15:43,730 --> 00:15:45,020
Doug, look, tell you
what I'm gonna do.
370
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,030
I'll leave
your application on file.
371
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,650
I don't want my application
on file, man.
372
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:50,530
That's a death warrant!
Look, Mitch,
373
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:52,030
I can do this job.
I want this job.
374
00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:55,410
Look at this. See?
Hey, FedEx calling. Rrrah!
375
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,870
Mitchell, Mitch,
Mitch, listen to me.
376
00:15:58,910 --> 00:16:01,210
I am not leaving this building
until you hire me.
377
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:03,210
Now, we both know
I'm the man for the job.
378
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,130
Look in my eyes!
See the passion?
379
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:07,210
I know you're thinking
deep down inside,
380
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:10,420
I'm gonna roll
the dice on this kid.
381
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,760
Security.
382
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,560
Morning, baby.
383
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:21,730
What ya doing?
384
00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:23,190
-Looking through the want ads.
-Doug--
385
00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:25,770
I'm looking through
the want ads. Leave me alone!
386
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:29,230
Would you just
call O'Boyle?
387
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,070
He's dead to me.
388
00:16:31,110 --> 00:16:33,610
You are just
so damn stubborn!
389
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,320
Just crawl back
and take your crap.
390
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,740
I do it.
391
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:40,620
For God's sakes, my boss,
he throws his shoes at me!
392
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:43,370
I just duck and
get on with my life.
393
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,670
That's you, okay? I want more
out of my job, okay?
394
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:47,130
I want happiness,
I want respect,
395
00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:49,130
and I'm gonna get it,
even if that means...
396
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:52,470
slaughtering pigs
for 6 bucks an hour.
397
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:57,430
All right.
You know what, Doug?
398
00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,010
If you wanna
find a new job,
399
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,270
then--then
I support you.
400
00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:03,020
Thank you.
401
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:04,100
Honey, didn't Lou tell you
402
00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:06,100
to go easy
on that tanning cream?
403
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,480
Yeah? So?
404
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,980
So? How many coats
is that?
405
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,320
One!
406
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:13,610
Okay, maybe 3.
407
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:15,200
Doug, you don't
understand.
408
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,820
People have been telling me
I've never looked better.
409
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,240
This stuff is magic!
410
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,040
Well, Dougie
ain't got no job now,
411
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,790
and that magic
costs 18 bucks a bottle,
412
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:24,460
so slap on a coat of sealant
and call it a day!
413
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:25,960
Fine!
414
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,670
Besides...I can live without
the smeared brown handprints
415
00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:29,960
all over the house.
416
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,760
It's starting to look
like a crime scene.
417
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,050
I said fine!
418
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:35,470
Aha! Look at this
right here! Look! Look!
419
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:38,180
Look what I found,
miss doubting Thomasina!
420
00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:40,930
"Metro Courier service
in Midtown Manhattan.
421
00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:43,810
"experienced delivery personnel
needed immediately.
422
00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:45,350
Good pay.
Flexible hours."
423
00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:49,310
Well, looks like daddy
landed back on his feet!
424
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:53,230
-[BLOWS WHISTLE]
-[CAR HORNS HONKING]
425
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:02,040
Respect the signal, dude!
426
00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:08,460
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
427
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,200
Doug?
428
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,360
Carrie?
429
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:40,780
Hey, honey!
430
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,740
My God! How much of that
tanning stuff are you using?
431
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,910
-None.
-None?
432
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,910
You look like seal!
433
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,170
For your information,
434
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:52,380
I had lunch outside
today.
435
00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:54,210
Well, unless you had it
8 feet from the sun,
436
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:56,420
I'd say you got a roaring
tanning cream addiction.
437
00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:59,430
Can we forget about me, please?
What are you doing?
438
00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:00,640
Whose bike is this?
439
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,850
Metro Courier's.
440
00:19:02,890 --> 00:19:05,060
You're a...
bike messenger?
441
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,390
A bike courier,
442
00:19:06,430 --> 00:19:08,310
and I happen
to enjoy it.
443
00:19:08,350 --> 00:19:10,480
Oh, come on.
You can't be enjoying this.
444
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,060
Yeah, well, I do.
445
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,230
Doug, I am begging you,
446
00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:15,980
let's cut you
outta those pants
447
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:19,490
and get you back
to I.P.S., please!
448
00:19:19,530 --> 00:19:20,410
No. You know what?
449
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:21,910
If they can live
without me,
450
00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:24,620
I can live
without them. All right?
451
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,540
Now, if you will excuse me,
452
00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:27,620
I need to figure out a way
453
00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:30,210
to pedal through
the midtown tunnel.
454
00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:34,590
[YELLS]
No seat!
455
00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:38,010
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
456
00:19:44,890 --> 00:19:46,930
-Hey, there!
-Hey, Doug!
457
00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:48,180
What brings you by?
458
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,140
I just wanted to drop off
all my uniforms.
459
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,600
I had 'em
martinized for you.
460
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,940
I don't know what that means,
but it cost me a buck extra.
461
00:19:54,980 --> 00:19:57,150
Well, thanks.
462
00:19:57,190 --> 00:19:59,940
So how's your job
there at FedEx?
463
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:03,200
Actually, you know what?
I passed on 'em. Yeah.
464
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:04,370
You know what it is?
465
00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,790
Didn't quite work
into my 5-year plan.
466
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,830
Didn't see it happening.
Went over to metro courier.
467
00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:10,040
Good outfit.
468
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,250
Oh. Those the guys
deliver on skates?
469
00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:14,710
No, no, no, no. They stopped
doin' that years ago
470
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:16,840
when they lost
a few guys.
471
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,250
It's all scooters and bikes.
I'm on a bike.
472
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,170
It's very pleasant, actually.
Verypleasant.
473
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,720
You want your
job back, don't ya?
474
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,640
Certainly do. Yes.
475
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,050
What about this...
476
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,010
respect thing?
You still into that?
477
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:30,560
Not so much. No. No.
478
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,980
I think once you been
violated by a 10-speed,
479
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:34,980
your priorities
kinda change.
480
00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:37,610
I heard that.
All right.
481
00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:40,150
You can come back, Doug.
See you in the morning.
482
00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:43,360
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
483
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,820
You know that thing
you said about,
484
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,660
you know, calling zone 12
zone 1?
485
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:50,500
I think I might be willing
to go for that after all.
486
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:53,830
Nah. You see, Doug,
if I let you do it,
487
00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:56,500
then everybody's gonna want
to rename their zone zone 1.
488
00:20:56,540 --> 00:20:59,090
You know, it's a slippery slope,
my friend.
489
00:20:59,130 --> 00:21:02,670
Okay, what if...
you and I just call it zone 1
490
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,680
when we're alone?
491
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,510
Alone? What are you
getting at?
492
00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:06,850
Forget it.
493
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:08,890
How about giving me
a welcome basket?
494
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:10,890
Doug, again
with the slippery...
495
00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,850
Well, look, man,
I been here 8 years!
496
00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:15,600
You gotta give me
something!
497
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,310
Movie passes?
498
00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:20,400
All right.
What the hell?
499
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:21,940
All right.
500
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,530
Welcome back, Doug.
501
00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:26,030
Well, thank you.
It's nice to be back, sir.
502
00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:28,580
And good to be
appreciated.
503
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:36,540
Wait a sec. These...
these passes have expired.
504
00:21:36,580 --> 00:21:41,800
It's cool. It's cool.
It's cool. It's cool.
505
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,550
You know what?
If they can live without me,
506
00:21:43,590 --> 00:21:45,880
I can live
without them.
507
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,890
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need a way to--
508
00:21:48,930 --> 00:21:50,970
MAN: One
more time!
509
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:52,680
No, no. If they
can live without me,
510
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,890
I can live without them.
511
00:21:53,930 --> 00:21:56,100
Okay? Now,
if you'll excuse me,
512
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:58,690
I have to figure out
a way to p--
513
00:21:58,730 --> 00:22:00,440
I'm laughing at--
514
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,570
You know what?
515
00:22:01,610 --> 00:22:03,280
If they can't live
without me,
516
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:06,490
then I can't live
without them.
517
00:22:07,450 --> 00:22:09,570
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]